Monday, June 8, 2009

More Speidi Drama

I'm a Celebrity... is easily my favorite show that I'm not watching. They may as well call it "Trainwreck 101." Producers of the show are attesting that Speidi are not, have not, and will not be held against their will. The "Lost Chamber" was indoors with standard jungle bugs, nothing out of the ordinary, and Heidi was not rushed to the hospital, especially considering they have EMT on staff at all times. They've been latching onto current world problems the entire show - upon arriving in the jungle, Heidi immediately said that this was worse than torture, and she would gladly do this to Al-Qaeda, whereas Spencer was more upset that he was more rich and famous than everyone around him.
Note: Spencer and Heidi are of a new breed of celebutants who are only famous for being famous. If you haven't seen their show The Hills, please imagine a thoroughly diverse cast where everyone is Paris Hilton.
I'm honestly not sure if Spencer has ever done a days work (though I'm sure he considers all those interviews to be taxing on his "me time," which is about 98% of his time. The other two per cent is "pretending to love women" time.)

Anyways, Extra's website reports:

The insider sets the record straight with "Extra," saying, "Accusations that Heidi and/or Spencer were harmed in any way are untrue. They quit the show last Monday; stayed in a hotel for 3 days. Then on Thursday, they re-joined show and entered the 'Lost Chamber.' They stayed in Chamber from 4:30PM until 6:30AM."

The source insists the Lost Chamber posed no harm to the "Hills" duo. "The environment in the "Lost Chamber" was not in any way harmful or dangerous; no critters, just a few ordinary bugs. They were indoors -- never in any danger or facing life-threatening situations. Absolutely no one is or was being held against their will."

This, of course, completely nullifies testimony to E! Online's Marc Malkin from Stephanie Pratt (whoever the hell that is):

"They kept them locked up and through the roof they were dropping spiders the size of [Heidi's] hands in on her in the black. They treated them like they were criminals or terrorists. She was throwing up 30 times with nothing in her stomach. She was really sick. She thought she was dying….I know they pulled such shitty antics. But being treated like criminals or terrorists? It's insane!"

Malkin continues, revealing more from his inside source:

My show insider insists the newlyweds were not only fed, but they were only in the lost chamber for about 14 hours. "They slept most of the time," said the insider, who asked not to be identified. "And when they weren't sleeping, they were laying side by side praying."

The insider also said Heidi was not vomiting: "They were in happy spirits when they came out of the chamber."

Now, sources say, Spencer is considering suing NBC for its treatment of him and Heidi, while NBC is threatening to sue the newlyweds if they don't live up to their contract and bail in the show.

I can honestly say that I'm pretty sure no one was suprised by Extra and E! Online's report. We all knew that the Ambiguously Retarded* Developmentally Delayed Duo were full of shit and I'm glad the producers and an "insider" set things straight. These two knuckleheads** couldn't tell Torture from their 8x10 Glossies of each other they keep on their separate nightstands. (Quite frankly, waking up to an image of either of them is torture.) I can't wait till America falls out of love/hate with these two so they can finally be out of a career and out of this blog. But as long as the public keeps listening to Spencer being a "Super Villian" and Heidi being his deficient Harley Quinn, I will continue to blog about it (further hindering my own goal. Hmm..... Irony?) One day, we'll learn that Spencer's creepy flesh-colored beard is actually hair plugs from the base of Heidi's skull, and they're only together in case his plugs go bad.

*No matter how applicable it is, it's never nice to call someone retarded.
**What am I, Ninety?

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